The Donkey Dilemma

🐴 The Donkey Dilemma: A Story Unfolds

I remember a story about a man and his son heading to the market, leading their donkey along a dusty road.

As they walked, villagers going the other way scoffed, “Such fools—why aren’t they riding their donkey?” So the father and son got on and rode together.

Then others came along, whispering, “Poor donkey—look at all that weight. Selfish much?” Embarrassed, the son got off and walked.

Moments later, more comments: “Lazy father making his son walk. Shameful.” So they switched places—now the boy rode and the father walked.

Yet again, judgment followed: “Disrespectful boy! Letting his father walk while he rides.”

Eventually, fed up with the constant criticism, the father and son chopped down a pole, tied up the donkey by its legs, and began carrying it upside down.

They became a spectacle.

People laughed. Mocked. Ridiculed.

As they crossed a bridge, the donkey struggled, kicked loose, and in the chaos, slipped from their grip. It fell into the river below—drowned, lost.

And that’s where the story ends.

🧭 Where This Story Normally Goes

You've probably heard this tale before. It's often told to illustrate how others will always find something wrong with your choices. No matter what path you take, someone will say it’s the wrong one. That’s the classic takeaway—and it’s valid.

But I want to offer a different lens.

🌌 What Else Might Be Going On Here?

Look at this story from above, like a topographical map—not just as a sequence of choices, but a landscape of possibilities. Every step the man and his son took wasn’t just about responding to judgment. It was about navigating the invisible terrain of unchosen paths.

Here’s what I mean:

• Every choice they made erased another.

• Each decision carried the echo of what they didn’t do.

• The donkey didn’t drown because of one wrong move—but a whole constellation of reactions, projections, and shadows of doubt.

Our minds work like that too.

Often, when we commit to a path, our thoughts drag in all the paths we didn’t take, projecting them onto what we are doing. We can’t always see what we gave up, but we feel it—like a phantom limb of decision-making.

It’s not just people that steer us wrong. Sometimes it’s our own mind.

🪞And Maybe You’ve Felt This Too

Ever take a job, fall into a relationship, start a journey—and then feel haunted by all the things you didn’t choose? That haunting can tangle with your clarity, distort your joy, and make you doubt what felt right just moments before.

This story is a mirror. Not just of people’s judgment, but of our own. Of how the unseen shapes what we see.

Sometimes, the clearest path forward isn’t the one that pleases everyone. It’s the one where you stop trying to carry the donkey.

And simply walk on.