Empty Again

Empty Again
by David Avila

empty
feeling the loss and the flow
DRIFT AWAY
in and out
~I haven’t felt this way since
since that time I had rolled the dice
and lost
everything

that time when there was nothing to lose
and everything to gain
but a loss is a loss is a loss
and losing isn’t everything
~how do you win when the stakes are set so high
a life that isn’t yours
isn’t given away or taken for granted
how did we get here
when the world closes in
a choice to be made

setting the world on fire
-or breaking apart with shattering stone
I can’t lose this way
but I know it is coming
she doesn’t let me win
does she know
the damage done and pleasure taken

a filthy display
and causality made from pretending
pretending I am who I am
and the man left behind is but a shell
don’t be me anymore
~can’t
move on

portray the whip
a hat crossed the summmer’s sunset
the gun shot fires again leaving behind the remains of what you’ll never know
don’t hold back
we’re back to being empty

HIDDEN
LOSING A GAME YOU NEVER PLAYED
caught between a loss and a day
where everything is made from the nothing you left behind
atrocious isn’t it
to find the you that you were isn’t the you that you became
pretense to find something new
and catch a new sunrise yet again

feeling that sun shining
but fading into the background
isn’t the world but you forgetting your place in it
free from the restraints to be
to be
to be
whatever’s felt

when nothing comes to mind
an empty vessel holding no syringe
no casings
not a droplet of the ocean which held it all

but the song plays on
the dance gets done
the world keeps itself alive with that fire
keep it
keep it
keep it burning
and when the lights all go out
you did your best
didn’t you
all to catch a glimpse of that nothing again